Happy Anniversary :))

I just can’t believe that you are mine now,

You were just a dream that I once knew,

Never thought I would be right for you,

I just can’t compare you with anything in this world,

You’re all I need to be with forevermore…

 

(Forevermore, Side A Band)

 

 

Many thought that it was just a summer fling, and what we both feel is not real. But here we are now, celebrating our first year, and we’re more than happy – we’re ecstatic with the love that we found. Three hundred and sixty five days may be a short period of time but we were able to prove to our friends, to the people around us, and to ourselves that this kind of unconventional love can exist. And I want to tell you that you are my life, my soul, my everything.

 

Can you still remember how we started? I was really afraid then, and I was mending a broken heart from a failed relationship when you came and opened your life to me. I thought you were uncouth, but you’re the gentlest person I’ve ever met. And when you first kissed me when I drove you home after our first dinner, you also kissed my fears away.

 

I’ve never felt secured in my entire life until you came. You assured me that everything’s alright when I am with you, and that you don’t care with what others will say about our eccentric love affair. How many times did you fight for me? Countless – and I treasure all those moments when you showed me that I am the most important person to you.

 

Yes, just like ordinary mortals, we’re not spared from problems. You hurt me, and I have my share of shortcomings too. But what is more important is that we learn from our mistakes, and we say sorry to each other, and we try our best not to do those things again. Four times, we almost parted ways, but love always finds us, and we know we cannot live without each other.

 

Sometimes I admit I become too childish and ask you foolish questions. Forgive me, my dear, I just want to hear those sweet words that will forever linger in my ear. Do you know how much I love you? Same as your answer to my foolish question – immeasurable.

 

We are just beginning, and I do not know if, just like what you always say, we will last forever. I am not pessimistic, but I know we are, and will be, facing a lot of challenges. I trust you, as much as you trust me, and together we will face these challenges, and we will make the wind blow to our favour.

 

I love you so much, bebe ko. With the blessings of our parents, the guidance of our friends and mentors, and with God on our side, I am sure that there will be more anniversaries to come. Thank you for inspiring me every minute, every second of my life.

 

Happy anniversary.

 

Imagination

When I was young, around four or five, I use to hang out at my mom’s school (she’s a “canteen teacher” at an elementary school near our barangay). I was too young to go to school then and no one will take care of me at our house so I always ask my mom if I can go with her at work.

I am very behave. Unlike other kids who like to play outdoor games and run everywhere and get many bruises in their body, I prefer to sit down in a corner, armed with pen and paper, and doodle every thing from my imagination.

One of my most favorite doodles is the “unique” family. Unique because the father is a policeman, with two breast pockets with two pleats each on his polo, and a belt running from his left shoulder to his right waist, and a pistol on his right hand. The wife, on the other hand is a lady with wavy, long hair with a tiara of wildflowers. She’s wearing a loose white gown that sways with the air, and a sandals similar to what people wear during the time of Jesus Christ (I guess that’s what they call gladiator shoes). On her left hand is a wand, with rays of light emanating from it. Yes, she’s a fairy, and she’s the wife of the policeman. They have a child, a boy, probably of same age as I when I was doodling it, mearing short pants and ordinary shirt. The wife is at the left, holding the boy with her right hand, and the boy holds his father’s left hand with the former’s right.

The story is that the policeman always protect his wife from bad elements who wanted to have her. One time, he was shot by the goons, and died. The wife cried and cried for many days.  And because she has magic, she decided to bring his life back,and they lived happily again, and the cycle continues – bad elements will try to kidnap her, he will get shot, and she will bring her life.

I guess that was my early concept of relationship – to protect your partner and sacrifice your life for him/her, and the partner, in return, will also do everything to give the other the happiness that he/she deserves. Though in the process, they still get hurt. At least they always find a way to be happy.

A Note to Manny Pacquiao and other Anti-RH Bill

Dear Manny,

I heard from the news that you publicly declared your support to those who are against the Reproductive Health Bill. I have nothing against you, anyway, it is your personal opinion and everyone’s entitled to that since we are living in a democratic republic. I am just concerned if that is really a reflection of what you feel, or you are just pressured to go anti-RH because you are a devout Roman Catholic. I am concerned because as a public figure, many people look up at you, and I want you to be more intelligent with your decisions so you will be able to influence the people to the right path leading to better future.

Manny, you know how it feels to be financially-challenged. You know how hard it is to work hard just to ensure that your family will have something to eat every day. You were once in that situation. You once experienced selling vegetables and sweet delicacies to your neighbours so your family can survive. You once experienced punches from strangers and be paid few hundred pesos for small-time boxing match. And I am sure you don’t want to experience that again.

Manny, you are very lucky. You were given the opportunity to become rich. And I admire your devotion to the Lord, our God, and I am glad that you put Him first in everything you do. You are now one of the richest athletes in the world. You have a lot of endorsements now, both local and global, and you are paid handsomely for every fight that you stage. You are now very far from the young Manny of GenSan who sells vegetables and breads to his neighbours.

Manny, I believe you have read and understand the RH Bill filed by your colleagues in the Congress and Senate, or at least someone has explained its content to you. Even if you did not finish formal education, I know that you know that having bigger population gives more disadvantages than help. Can your conscience take that while your children are studying in an international school and receive the best education they can have, the children of your fellowmen are squeezing themselves in a small classroom with 70 or more other pupils? That while you can hire private tutors for your kids, the kids of your constituents can only see their teachers few hours daily because classes are divided in morning and afternoon shifts to accommodate everyone. These children even share one book with other 5 or 10 students. And when you get injured, where do you go for treatment?  How about us? We line up for several hours just to get vaccinated in community health centers. We queue for days just to get hospitalization aid from PCSO. Maybe it will take weeks before we get serviced if our population becomes bigger.

Few days ago, you celebrated your victory from Mosley back-to-back by Aling Dionesia’s birthday. She requested a hand bag worth a million pesos. It is easy for you to give the caprices of your love ones because you are rich. It’s easy for you to say you’re anti-RH because even if the numbers of Filipinos increase over the years, you still can give them the things your family wants, maybe up to the 5th generation of your children, even without working.

Manny, I am not saying that you should share to everyone your hard-earned money. But instead, I believe that if there are less people competing for opportunities, it will yield better life for your fellow Filipinos. Let’s face the reality, Mr. Congressman. We don’t have enough jobs here in our country. Our government’s services are poor. They cannot even control the price of gasoline and basic commodities. They cannot even provide basic health services to our poor fellowmen. And these men cannot even afford to eat at least three times daily. We don’t have enough to support the incoming generation. We have to control our population, Manny. We don’t want to live in a dog-eats-dog world, do we?

Last election, you decided to support Noynoy instead of your long-term ally, Madam Gloria. And for the first time after one year of his term in office, Noynoy has made a rational decision. It is now the opportunity to show your support to him and show the people that you are one with the vision of the present administration.

Manny, please think twice. Your soul will go to heaven if you die, not because a bishop or any member of the clergy said so if you follow their illogical thoughts, but instead God will look at what you have done for the betterment of your fellowmen. You are given the power, the money, and the popularity to influence people, use it to proclaim God’s real will — and that is to live a responsible life mindful of others.

Yours in the service of our fellowmen,

Dynes

Pamintang Buo

Whenever Aislinn’s mom cooks Adobo for her lunch, she shares it with us at the faculty lounge’s pantry. Aislinn is very fond of spicy foods which everybody loves. But there is one particular ingredient of her mom’s Adobo that they reserve for me — whole black pepper.  I love whole black pepper, be it in Adobo, Nilagang Baboy, Pinakbet, or any dish where it fits. I love the thrill it brings to my mouth when you bite it, and suddenly the pungent and spicy taste crawls up to your taste buds. Some find it crazy and uncommon, but I still love eating pamintang buo. Maybe it’s a reflection of my personality — the love for thrill and excitement, and being different from the rest.

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A friend once posted in his Facebook status that saying goodbye is not the painful part in ending a relationship but instead when good memories started to come in. It is very easy to pretend to everyone that you are okay, but when the night comes, and you are all alone in your room, that’s the time when you feel the pain. And you start wondering and asking yourself what went wrong? How can a love, so true and so pure, come to an end? And dying becomes an option.

I am a writer. I wrote several stories, poems, essays, academic discussions, news articles, and feature stories. I wrote about other people, about nature, about love, about emotions. I trained students how to become good writers. But writing about myself is the most difficult to do. It is not easy to explain one’s self, knowing how people think about problems like this. But I am not here to justify my thoughts. I am here to express my emotions so I can let go of all the pain I am feeling right now.

All my life, I’ve been searching for love. I was deprived. Maybe I was punished for sins I do not know when the heavens called my mom and my sister more than a decade ago. With due respect to dad, they loved me more than anybody else. Maybe I was longing for love and attention in my thirteen years of living a solitary life. I eat alone, I sleep alone, I have no one to talk with when I’m down, I have no one to share my stories at the end of a tiring day. Friends, I have a lot, but they have their own lives, too. And at the end of the day, I am still alone.

Should I blame myself for loving too much when all I want is to be loved back? In my situation, it is not easy to find someone who will love me for who I am and what I don’t have. How I wish I am normal just like anybody else. How I wish it would be easy for me to love and be loved. But I am not, and I know I am a good person. I always follow His words, hoping that He will see how good I am and reward me with the only thing I am asking for – love.

When somebody close to you passes away, it easier to accept and move on. You know it is God’s will and you cannot do anything to bring his or her life back. But when lovers part ways, it brings more pain and agony, because you know that there is a way. You know that it still can be resolved and you know that it was just a choice of the other party and not a destiny. And it hurts that he chose to forget all the things you’ve done for love so easily and all your dreams and plans will not materialize anymore.

I know there’s nothing I can do now. I did my part, and I did everything to keep the relationship alive. I am tired. I am devastated. And I am trying to pick up and put together the pieces of my shattered heart. I know it will take time for me to be whole again.

“Red Shirter” in Manila

Few nights ago, while watching the early evening news, I saw my college classmate’s name in TV. It drew my attention because I’ve been searching for that person in Facebook and Google for quite a long time now. Got a crush on that person and been wondering what happened since we parted ways eleven years ago. The report said that my classmate is in Bangkok and now trapped by the unruly protests in the capital city of Thailand. Now the poor friend does nothing but drink vodka and smoke at home because curfew has been declared in the entire city.  Nonetheless, I am happy because I was able to find and communicate with that person again.

When I saw the pictures of the protest in Thailand, my first reaction is to condemn the “Red Shirts” for paralyzing the Thai government and economy with their violent actions. I even said to myself, “we are luckier here in the Philippines because we do not experience such kind of disturbance.” But after few days of observing the Thai protesters and reading stories about the mob in news websites, I realized that I am a Red Shirter, in a way, in my own country.

It actually started after the May 10, 2010 presidential elections. I am a staunch supporter of Defense Secretary Gilbert Teodoro, the far fourth in the race for presidency. Gibo, as he is popularly known, has the most concrete programs for social and economic development among the nine presidential aspirants. Besides, he is the only candidate who did not resort to mudslinging to get votes from the electorate, thus elevating the level of campaigning in the Philippines to a higher plane. In my own way, I campaigned for him. He is part of my class discussions. I encourage my students to compare the candidates and become educated voters (most of them are first-timers). I also utilized the power of new media and social networking to spread the “green virus” among my friends. But my efforts were futile. The majority of votes went to Benigno Simeon Aquino III, the unico hijo of the late charismatic president Corazon Aquino and the assassinated senator Benigno Aquino Jr., and maybe it is worthy to note that he is also the lone brother of the highest-paid female television personality in the Philippines – Kris Aquino.

A lot of friends are telling me that I should get to know him better, give him the chance to prove himself, and be one with the Philippine government with its vision, of course under the new administration. Sorry, I can’t help myself but hate him, for he is the foremost power-hungry person in this country today. Remember last year when he was just a nobody? A senator who hasn’t passed any law in his years of stay in the upper house, he was the unlikely presidential candidate until her mom’s death. At first he is hesitant to heed the call of a certain group encouraging him to run on 2010 elections. He even had a “televised retreat” with the sisters of a certain order in Mindanao, and after realizing that he has inherited the magnificent Cory magic, he grabbed the opportunity to steal the Liberal Party’s nomination from Senator Mar Roxas, who had a grand public wedding with a popular broadcaster in preparation of his candidacy. The politically-immature son of a hero in the country was overwhelmed with support of the equally politically-immature electorate, thus he seized the opportunity to run for the highest position in the land.

I was about to give in, accept the defeat of my political advocacy, and surrender to the balding president-apparent, until he made eyebrow raising statements lately – that he won’t swear to the new Chief Justice of the Philippine Supreme Court because the latter was appointed by the unpopular diminutive lady president of the Philippines and he’s going to have his oath taken before a village leader. I believe this is his own decision, not coming from his all-knowing political advisers, because if they only did advice the incoming chief executive, he will not look stupid in the eyes of the many who understand the three co-equal branches of the government. Okay, it is given that the CJ was appointed by the president during the period when new appointments are prohibited, but it is the Supreme Court itself which said that there is a need to appoint a new CJ. Isn’t that clear to the president-apparent? Or he just simply doesn’t know the processes. Maybe he should take refresher units in political science, our university is very much willing to teach him.

Another wrong statement of this ****ing president-to-be has something to do with his smoking. God, sir, you are justifying your bad vice! You promised during the campaign that you will give up smoking. Now you are saying that you need this to cope up with the stressful job of your office? I understand you actually, because I am a smoker too. But with your mindset and attitude, you are encouraging and justifying the young people to smoke.  I am very sure that your mother will frown at you from heaven.

I know I don’t have to wear red shirts yet. There is no need to go to streets – yet. But remember, Mr. Aquino, you only got 40% of the total votes, you still have to please us, the remaining majority, and I am giving you one year to make yourself a respectable president of our beloved Philippines. Or else I will just join my former classmate and impose a self-exile in Bangkok for the rest of your term.

Why “Ondoy” Mattered to Me

Sept. 26, 2009 – It was past midnight of Friday when I went home. I’ve been to Lanie’s house to satisfy my weekly card game habit with my friends Ninay and Ryan. It was a rainy evening, and Lanie is already complaining about the slow pace of her barbeque stand. Thanks to Icket and friends who bought two bottles of Gran Matador, she was able to fill her next day’s coffer.

Rain continued to pour that early morning of Saturday and I have a feeling that classes will be suspended. However, I did not take chances, so I readied my clothes for the next day, just in case there will be classes. The cold weather became victorious over my perennial insomnia. I went to bed and fell into deep slumber.

The message alert tone of my mobile phone woke me up at 8:00 in the morning. 7 text messages, all coming from unidentified senders. They were my students, asking me if there are classes. I looked outside my window, and the rain the night before was as heavy as that day. I diligently replied to them one by one, explaining that I am not the one who declares if classes are suspended and they have to wait for the news on CHED’s announcement of suspension of classes. I texted Mr. Rubio, and he said classes will push thru (though he texted me again after an hour, saying that Dr. Sumaya has declared suspension of TUA classes).

I went back to sleep, unmindful of what’s happening outside. Only when I went out for lunch did I find the damage it has brought to our community. All exit points from our street are flooded, some knee-deep, some up to bust. At one point, I thought of going back to K-1^st (I was driving then), but then I will not be able to take my lunch if I will just walk because the rain then is pounding the roof of my car. I just settled to a nearby Pares House.

In the afternoon, my bestfriend Ronn texted me, inviting me to walk around while bathing in rain (rarampa). I heeded his invitation, and there we saw how the cars in Jimenez floated in the waters  while people, who are now walking because no sane taxi driver will bring them to these areas, managed to cross the overflowing bridge with the help of a rope and Quezon City rescue team. The dip in Kamuning Road between K-D and K-E was filled with flood water, that I guess the deepest point is neck-deep.

In the evening, I realized the damage it has done in Marikina, Cainta, Pasig and other areas. And the rest is history.

Why Ondoy mattered to me?

For many years, I haven’t experienced natural calamity. The last one is when I was in Second Year High School, when Typhoon Rosing slammed my hometown Quezon Province and the whole town of Gumaca submerged in bust-deep flood. I thought tragedies like this happen only in television. But I was wrong. This is different. With Ondoy, the victims are my friends, my students, people I know very well.

I can’t imagine the fears that MY FRIENDS have conquered when water began to rise beyond their capacity to manage.

I can’t imagine what they felt when MY FRIENDS saw their belongings being washed away by murky waters.

I can’t imagine what MY FRIENDS experienced while letting the night pass in their roofs, unmindful of the coldness and wetness of the weather.

I can’t imagine that MY FRIENDS experienced this traumatic event in their lives.

Ondoy mattered to me because the victims are my FRIENDS. They are not strangers in television. They are my FRIENDS.

Movie Review: In My Life

If there is one Filipino actor I admire the most, it would be John Lloyd Cruz. At a very young age, he has already created a niche in the show business as one of the most bankable actors of Philippine Cinema. Personally, I like him because I can relate with his personality: serious, dedicated to work, and very professional. In fact, we have little similarities with our physical features, including our thinning hair line despite our young age.

Few months ago, rumours spread that the young actor will be doing a movie with the Star for All Season, Ms. Vilma Santos, and he will play a gay man’s role. I was excited with this development. I would love to see how Mr. Cruz justifies the role of the oppressed gender. Besides, Vilma Santos is a personal favourite of my mom (may she rest in peace). With this movie, my reunion with mom will somehow materialize with our personal favourites immortalized in the silver screen.

Months passed and the days of waiting finally came to an end when Star Cinema finally released the movie in theatres last Sept. 16, 2009. If it not for work, I would have lined up in cinemas on the first day and be one of the firsts to watch this most talked-about movie of the year. Luckily, the diminutive president declared Monday as national holiday in observance of Ramadan so I got a chance to watch the movie.

I was not satisfied with the movie. Maybe I expected too much from the actors, as they received praises from showbiz personalities like Boy Abunda, and good reviews in newspapers. I haven’t heard a single negative comment from authorities, or maybe Star Cinema was able to manage them and keep them from the public. Or maybe film critics lost their senses of what is good and what is not and was just carried away by the powerhouse cast of the movie.

Story-wise, they have a good storyline: a legally-separated mother with nowhere to go when her children grew up and lived their own lives. But along the way, I found some inconsistencies. Correct if I am wrong but didn’t the landlady asked for her house rent when she’s supposed to own the house, as her only “inheritance” from her ex-husband? Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I did not pay attention to the movie and got carried away by my thinking. But I also cannot help but reflect on how bad she speaks English when she is supposedly a high school librarian cum ex-teacher. Is this reflective of how bad our education system is? Then why highlight in a movie? People will think that it is normal to have librarians and teachers, who are at least a college graduate, who doesn’t even know how to formulate a complete English sentence.

And where is the Filipino value of respect for others when John Lloyd (Noel in the movie) slapped Vilma’s (Shirley Templo) face in the movie, a woman almost twice as your age? Have we ever imagined slapping our mother’s face? His gayness in the movie will never justify this act of disrespect because even in real life, gays do think that they are still men (especially John Lloyd’s character here is a paminta) and they will never fight back with women, no matter how sad and emotional they are. Exchange of chilied words are okay, but not the physically act of hurting somebody. Producers can easily justify the scene, and what about those who think that it is okay to slap an older woman’s face because John Lloyd and Vilma did it in In My Life?

Probably, the most grievous flaw in the movie is when Noel married Shirley just to stabilize his shaky immigration status in the United States (implied). Marriage is a very sacred thing. Marriage is something solemn and should not be used for personal gains or convenience. But the movie rationalized this act, as if telling us to become TNTs and marry an American citizen and divorce them after two years, when we already have green cards. Yes it happens in real life but it should not be put in movies because this is very dangerous and subject to misinterpretation. I think MTRCB should also look at the wrong values portrayed in movies.

On John Lloyd’s acting, as well as Vilma’s, they did very well. I laughed with her witty lines, I sympathized with his melancholic feelings. But Luis (Mark in the movie) still has to prove himself. I don’t like his acting, especially when he was crying in the park with Vilma. It’s very unnatural and emotions were held. If he just gave it in, if would be better. If I were the writer of the movie, it would be good to explore the character of Mark, a well-accomplished yuppie who, in spite of his achievements, was not given proper attention and merit from his parents, or mother, simply because he was gay. Sadly, it was just said, not shown in In My Life.

John Lloyd and Luis’ gay relationship was not well established. There are missing elements, and sex is one good way of showing it (though I doubt if Luis and Lloydie will accept the role if there is an intimate scene). Their “kissing scene” was very, very short, and was given so much publicity but actually it’s nothing.

These are my personal views and actors’ fanatics should not take this against me. I am just sharing these because I want our movie industry to prosper and be laden with values that are truly reflective of the Filipino society. Comments are welcome. Thanks for reading.

Iloilo Travelouge – ACMC National Conference

Last August 26 – 30, I went to Iloilo City to attend and co-organize the Asian Congress for Media and Communication National Conference which was sponsored by University of the Philippines in the Visayas and West Visayas State University. The conference was held at Sarabia Manor Hotel and Convention Center, where I also stayed. I am not going to give the details of the conference, but instead will focus on the side trips of the Iloilo stay.

The conference made me busy for the first three days of my stay so took the chance of roaming around on the last day since my flight is scheduled at 5:20 pm.

I first went to Jaro Cathedral, the seat of the Iloilo Archdiocese. The cathedral is made of creamy limestone and its belfry is separated from the main church, it is at the other side of the street. Since it’s Sunday, a lot of people are flocking at the church which hindered me from taking pictures inside. Instead, I went to the centuries-old image outside, the Nuestra Senora de Candelaria which according to Prof. Edel Subong of WVSU, is very miraculous. After that, I crossed the street to see the belfry. In the belfry is a big park called Graciano Lopez- Jaena park, named after a writer and nationalist who was hailed from Iloilo. I also took pictures of vendors lined up along the avenue selling hot rice cakes. The Biscocho House is just around the corner so I also took the chance of buying pasalubongs for my friends and relatives in Manila. After that, I went back to Hotel Sarabia to pack my things and be ready for the Miag-ao trip with Rachel and other officers of ACMC.

Soon I went back to Jaro church, our meeting place and after few minutes, went to Miag-ao, Iloilo where the famous UNESCO declared Heritage church is. After one hour, we reached Miag-ao and took pictures of the beautiful church.

After few minutes of praying the rosary and picture-taking, we headed back to Iloilo City and packed our things. We passed by another church, the Molo Cathedral which is equally beautiful. We headed back to Manila safe and sound.

If given a chance to go back to Iloilo, I definitely will. A day is not enough to see the beauty of the antique houses, churches and cemeteries. Plus, the biscocho is very good…

Bad Dreams… Very Bad Dreams…

Last night, I slept very late. Guess it was around 4:00 am already. And I had a very bad dream.

The setting is on the beach. It’s like I am with some friends and I felt out of place so I joined another friend who came to our cottage, got a bottle of brandy, and went to the house of his friends few meters away. On our way, there are a lot of broken glasses in the sand and soil. And I walked barefoot. When we reached the house of his friend, we met dogs, and I was bitten by one of the dogs in my left arm. The I saw the younger brother of somebody who used to be special in my life. After few chats, I decided to leave. I drove my car but the road is very muddy and I got stuck for some time. That’s the time when I realized I was dreaming and woke up.

I am bothered with its meanings. I already searched the internet and all the meanings it conveyed are negative. For example, walking on broken glass means I will be experiencing heartaches and pain. The rough car drive means my ability to handle changes. Mud means I will be involved in a messy situation, and walking on it means I am weighed down by the situation or problem. Sea or beach symbolizes a major change in my life. And the dog biting me means I lost my ability to balance life’s aspects.

It is really depressing. Hope nothing of these will come true…